I have safely landed in Thailand and have…
Posted: May 20, 2011 Filed under: Celebrities, Travel, Uncategorized | Tags: Bhutan 3 Comments »I have safely landed in Thailand and have many updates that I will eventually get around to but I have a hot piece of news I must share today 
I come from an Asian country where royalty still reigns and prosperity is measured by Gross National Happiness not Gross Domestic Product. With that said, the world celebrated a historic moment when the Duke an Duchess of Cambridge wed last month, but today a humble buddhist country nestled in the Himalayas rejoiced when our beloved King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck announced his engagement to the lovely Jetsun Pema. The announcement was made at the Opening Session of the Parliament while being broadcast on live television, live radio and on the web.
Here is a picture of the lovely and dynamic Royal couple circulated by Bhutan’s Royal Office of Media:
And heres wishing the Royal couple a heartfelt congratulations and all the happiness and best wishes as they continue to work for and serve the people of Bhutan.
For a more detailed account: http://www.bhutanobserver.bt/royal-wedding-full-story/
And the sadness comes
Posted: May 14, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized 2 Comments »I’m finally done with my last final, which marks the end of my academic path here at Mount Holyoke. And now I can finally allow myself to be sad.
Four years seems like a long time, when you’re just entering college. And it is. Four years can be a lifetime of memories, built with the people you meet. In four years, you forge bonds with the sisters you’ll never forget. But four years is not enough.
Sometimes you take the world for granted. You think you have all the time in the world to explore; to do different things; to go to that event the next time. And sometimes, time runs out. There are so many new things I’ve discovered each year, and there are still so many things I still want to do.
Even though I’m glad to be done with my work, I want to take more classes. I want to move out this year, only to move everything back in the fall. I want to walk into Blanchard and eat with my friends, to have meal swipes. I want to go to more dining halls, even though the menus have gotten worse over the years. I want to go to non-cultural events, sports events, things I never thought were that crucial enough for me to go to. I want to return to this environment of privilege, where I am a woman who has a voice and no man can take that away from me.
I want to sit on the carpeted floor of someone’s room, eating ramen noodles over a pot, and microwaved rice with kimchee. I want to meet the wonderful women who will be entering in the fall, to get to know them more than just the brief visits I’ll pay to my friends here. I want to choose new classes, sit through hall choosing, and plan and re-plan what room I’ll get during room choosing. I want more than four falls and springs to learn new things, make new memories, spend time with my sisters.
I’ll miss driving around the valley, exploring for new and exciting places in my first car. I’ll miss walking outside my room during finals and seeing everyone looking like me, knowing I’m not the only one suffering. I’ll miss the safe and comfortable environment, being able to see so many familiar and friendly faces. I’ll even miss composting, local produce, and how green Mount Holyoke tries to be. I’ll miss big family style dinners, how everything always seems to revolve around food. I’ll miss the afterparties to Asian cultural events: nobody ever goes in, everyone stays outside eating their last meal swipe of the day. I’ll miss living with my besties, one down the hall and two upstairs. I’ll miss our campus, beautiful at any time of the day.
As I walk around campus, my mind is filled with thoughts of “this is the last ….”. When I first came to Mount Holyoke for camp, summers after 5th and 6th grade, I was incredibly sad to leave. At the time, I never thought I’d come back for a college education (although I wrote differently on my admissions essay). Now, knowing the campus even more, and having spent time in Mount Holyoke as a womens’ environment, leaving a second time is ever more bittersweet. This time, I know for sure that I will never return to attend this institution. These last days, I’ll treasure and savor the last moments marking the end of a lovely chapter in my life. I am, and have loved being: a Mount Holyoke woman.
So lazy
Posted: May 8, 2011 Filed under: Music, Personal, School, Silly | Tags: Bruno Mars, Finals, Music 1 Comment »This epitomizes finals week -_- minus the sex part… maybe for some people.
Can this all be over already?
I still need to pack up my room and my suitcase…
I’m still not ready, it feels like I have all the time in the world but uhh I need to be done with everything by tomorrow evening so I can celebrate with my accounting class. Dinner at the Yard House, I’m going to miss that class. What a good and tiring run this semester has been.
I seriously wish I could have elves magically appear and do my papers for me as well as pack for me so that I can spend time with my friends who a)I won’t see all summer b) I won’t see as much once they start working and I’m still in school c) are almost done with finals and still have till the end of graduation to pack up their rooms. I knew I liked story of the Elves and the Shoemaker, mostly for the shoes and the touching story the elves coming to the poor shoemaker’s rescue, but for right now it kind of gives me hope that by some miracle, I will finish all that I have to so I can leave for the summer with no unfinished business.
Oh yea, good luck for finals (if you’re not done like me) and congratulations Class of 2011!!! You are almost done <3 <3 <3
Chinastar
Posted: May 8, 2011 Filed under: Personal 2 Comments »For as long as I can remember, people have always associated me with China. I’ve met people who were surprised to find that I was Korean and in fact spoke Korean, and I’ve met people who were insistent that I simply looked Chinese. I’ve confused a couple people, including my best of friends, by telling them that I was from China. I am “from China” in a sense that it’s the place I would call home, the place I spent eight years as a teenager, and ironically, the very place where I learned my English and acquired an “American” accent.
I haven’t been home in two years, and I’m excited to be going back this summer. When I tell people I’m from China, people tend to think Beijing or Shanghai. But the place I come from is so distinctly different from the other Chinese cities that pride in tall skyscrapers, its large shopping districts and financial centers. I remember when I first moved to Yanji more than ten years ago. We turned the faucet on in the bathtub only to find that we would have to shower with brown muddy water. They used to use coal as a source of fuel in the winters, and a day after it snowed, we would see a layer of black coal resting on top of what was supposed to be white snow. Whenever I went outside with my white mask, I would always return with two black circles of coal residue on the mask, where my nostrils were. Taking the bus home from school, we would always pass by large farms that liked to use cow manure for fertilizer, and immature I know, but we would always pretend to cover up our noses, point to our friends, and yell, “Naemsaee” (which means “it smells” in Korean). I still remember the excitement when the first fast food restaurant came into the city. Some obscure Korean one. It was soon followed by KFC, or Kendeji, as we liked to call it. And now, a starbucks, or sutabucks, as they like to call it.
Something I regret about my life in China was that I was in a bubble. I didn’t have a single Chinese friend because I surrounded myself with fellow Koreans and Korean-Americans, who I met through school and church, and because I didn’t have a Chinese friend, I didn’t feel a particular need to learn the language either. I look at all the jobs I could apply to if I spoke Mandarin fluently, and I can’t help but think how different I would have been if I had immersed myself in the Chinese culture and the Chinese community. I still feel a bit guilty when I put “moderate Chinese” on my resume, partly because I haven’t spoken the language in years, but also because I never realized the power of the Chinese language until I came to the States.
That’s partly why I’m excited to go back. I’m excited to go and learn Chinese, to make Chinese friends, to relive the childhood memories, to eat lots of really cheap, but really good food (in the “sutabucks” picture, I don’t know if you noticed but sullungtang is only two bucks. CRAZY RIGHT?) like yang-rou-chuar, and just have a blast.
CHINA’S THE PLACE TO BEEEEE
My Skinny Love
Posted: May 7, 2011 Filed under: Love, Music, Personal Leave a comment »The past hurts, time doesn’t really heal.
In addition to Aileen’s TMI post and Sharone’s touching post (btw WELCOME BACK Sharon, its almost been a year since your last post) I decided to get real with my feelings with words.. in the a.m… instead of writing my paper.
You’ll probably never read this, I don’t think you care enough to know whats going on in my life anymore. The truth is, I still think about you. Its been years, I got over you but everytime I’m alone, all the songs we shared remind me of you. I took you for granted when you were around, and was constantly reminded of you when you weren’t there. We wrote each other songs and poems, who were we back then? We are strangers now!
Its not sad, but it does break my heart.
I should’ve realized I would eventually lose you forever, I knew but I was in denial.
As the reality sets in,I should’ve taken you more seriously then I may not have to be this trapped. I’m still stuck under your spell but mine seems to have worn off. I’m happy for you but happiness for me seems hard to come by even though my petty wishes and dreams are slowly transcending infront of my eyes.
I should’ve heard you when you sent me this song, but the fact is, I was selfish, am selfish and probably will always be selfish.
(Its the female cover because I think the piano gives the song a good touch, heres the original by Bon Iver: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz5s5C6sAt0)
But mostly, I should stop with the “should’ve”s. I don’t want to say its too late, but our time has passed. We’ve both moved on, several times.
I am sorry if I have caused you any hurt as close to that I have caused myself. I’m sorry if I kept pushing you away when I really did want you there. I’m sorry if I was difficult to love. I hope you don’t find me delusional if you read this . I’m just not brave enough to say any of these things to you. I mean we both know theres no point given how far we’ve come, and how long we’ve been separated. I guess I’m just a little emotional as it will soon be the 4 year anniversary of when we first met.
I never thought you’d leave me. I never thought you’d become a stranger. But the impossible becomes a possibility leaving us no time for “what if” or “why”. We just come to accept the path we are led to and the cards that fate has dealt. Oh yea, I read tarot cards now and then. I know you don’t really believe in all these superstitious and mystical stuff but they bring me comfort.
I’m so grateful for the impact you’ve had on my life within those crucial 4 years of my life. I hope that if we meet again, we will have the same impact on each other as we used to, as friends, acquiantances, companions, etc. You were the best lesson life taught me.
I have so much privilege BUT WHY AM I…
Posted: May 7, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized 2 Comments »I have so much privilege. BUT WHY AM I SO ANGRY??? Lately I’ve been a wreck of non-stop hatred. Hatred for others. Hatred for myself. Hatred for society. Okay, well maybe hatred is too strong a word…let’s just keep it at angry.
This past Sunday our 2011 class board threw a “senior ball” themed “A Thousand and One Nights” (http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=219410088072721). Seriously, out of all the freaking themes in the entire world they could have picked from, they picked ARABIAN NIGHTS??? WHY?!?? What does this have to do with us graduating? Surely it can’t be the content of the story (which is alarming at least), so I can’t help but think…appropriation.
I went and was so upset I ended up making a scene and then leaving. I resent the fact that we were all seniors, and that it was my ball too, but I had to leave. i resent that I was the one hurt while these white girls were dancing all night drunk under the harem-esque drape decorations. I resent the fact that I tried to tell them it was orientalist, but nobody understood. And nobody cared.
Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of Malcom X, sinking deeper into a black depth of solitary bitterness. The idea of a race war brings a bemused smile to my face and I’m starting to identify as separatist. I scowl when people call me “radical” and I boil when people boldly use the word “America” interchangeably with “The US.” The books I’m reading for my class on the prison industrial complex have fused to stab me with a giant sword of white patriarchy and so to protect myself I’ve began to counter every haphazard glance from a white male with a slash of my iron tongue: “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT”
Okay, seriously, I dont know what’s wrong with me. People never guess just by looking at me that I’m so vindictive and LOUD. These days I’ve been yelling at whomever I please, especially if I think they’re a racist pig. I really need to stop and reevaluate my strategy…in activism and in life x___x;; I think even my therapist thinks I’m crazy.
I used to be so happy and sweet and loving. WHAT HAPPENED???
Anyway, some pictures of life.
himegyaru style for asa’s japan earthquake relief fundraiser fashion show! i won second place YAY kunku for letting me borrow the dress. and the cardigan. and the bag. hahah i have nothing floral or frilly for himegyaru style x___x;; but i finally got to go all out on the makeup! it took me like an hour haha…tadaaa! tons of lashes!
senior ball pre-fiasco hahah
then this tuesday was the last day of classes! as per tradition, seniors had strawberries and champagne =D
okay i’m sitting here with priscilla and kunku trying to work on finals but all i’ve done is write a TMI blog entry about how angry and scary i am and post lots of pictures of myself. im going now. but check back again soon for another update!! i have to talk about my surprise birthday party (i have the best friends!!) and post even more pictures about my NEW HAIRRR!! HAHA ;D
okay GOOD LUCK ON FINALS EVERYONE!! ill be back soon~
Hope
Posted: May 6, 2011 Filed under: post 2 Comments »I haven’t updated this blog in a while (I think I had some sort of an inferiority complex and always thought my life was significantly less interesting than Kunku’s or Aileen’s. Maybe it’s because my entries tend to be a bit depressing. Maybe it’s because I always talk about God.) But today, I decided to finally break the mold and start writing in this one as well. I wanted to open up with a poem that has touched me recently.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune—without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
-Emily Dickinson
I’ve been really sentimental lately, realizing that I’m leaving this place and might never return, that I actually invested a lot into my education here and the community here, and that when I leave this place, I will no longer have the security of being a student, having someone cook for me all the time, and hanging out with friends whenever I want. It does not help that the world out there just looks scary at the moment. With a desire to be financially independent but no job; with a desire to work in consulting or a policy think tank, but without the connections or an awesome internship in one. All I have is a liberal arts degree and worries shadowed by my overconfidence.
Sometimes I wonder what I gained from the past four years at Mount Holyoke. Lifelong friends, intellectual curiosity in virtually everything I encounter, the ability to clearly express myself, the courage to challenge the norm, and a Mount Holyoke diploma. Now that I put it in those words, it sounds much better, but often times I get stuck in cyclical thinking that links my inadequateness to my present stress.
But despite it all, Emily Dickinson’s words calm my heart. Hope is sweetest and strongest in times of trouble, in times of harshest storms. It sings, and does not stop, and although does not clearly state what the future is going to hold, it guides us in a direction. Just like the bird’s singing. We have nothing to lose, and everything to gain with hope. Maybe it is the lesson of hope that I am learning today.
I really feel like a Monet 99% of…
Posted: May 6, 2011 Filed under: status | Tags: Monet Leave a comment »I really feel like a Monet 99% of the time….
alright from a distance, a disaster upfront -_-
