I have so much privilege  BUT WHY AM I…

I have so much privilege.  BUT WHY AM I SO ANGRY???  Lately I’ve been a wreck of non-stop hatred.  Hatred for others.  Hatred for myself.  Hatred for society.  Okay, well maybe hatred is too strong a word…let’s just keep it at angry.

This past Sunday our 2011 class board threw a “senior ball” themed “A Thousand and One Nights” (http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=219410088072721).  Seriously, out of all the freaking themes in the entire world they could have picked from, they picked ARABIAN NIGHTS???  WHY?!?? What does this have to do with us graduating?  Surely it can’t be the content of the story (which is alarming at least), so I can’t help but think…appropriation.

I went and was so upset I ended up making a scene and then leaving.  I resent the fact that we were all seniors, and that it was my ball too, but I had to leave.  i resent that I was the one hurt while these white girls were dancing all night drunk under the harem-esque drape decorations.  I resent the fact that I tried to tell them it was orientalist, but nobody understood.  And nobody cared.

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of Malcom X, sinking deeper into a black depth of solitary bitterness.  The idea of a race war brings a bemused smile to my face and I’m starting to identify as separatist.  I scowl when people call me “radical” and I boil when people boldly use the word “America” interchangeably with “The US.” The books I’m reading for my class on the prison industrial complex have fused to stab me with a giant sword of white patriarchy and  so to protect myself I’ve began to counter every haphazard glance from a white male with a slash of my iron tongue: “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT”

Okay, seriously, I dont know what’s wrong with me.  People never guess just by looking at me that I’m so vindictive and LOUD.  These days I’ve been yelling at whomever I please, especially if I think they’re a racist pig.  I really need to stop and reevaluate my strategy…in activism and in life x___x;;  I think even my therapist thinks I’m crazy.

I used to be so happy and sweet and loving.  WHAT HAPPENED???

Anyway, some pictures of life.

himegyaru style for asa’s japan earthquake relief fundraiser fashion show!  i won second place YAY kunku for letting me borrow the dress.  and the cardigan.  and the bag.  hahah i have nothing floral or frilly for himegyaru style x___x;; but i finally got to go all out on the makeup!  it took me like an hour haha…tadaaa! tons of lashes!

senior ball pre-fiasco hahah

then this tuesday was the last day of classes! as per tradition, seniors had strawberries and champagne =D

okay i’m sitting here with priscilla and kunku trying to work on finals but all i’ve done is write a TMI blog entry about how angry and scary i am and post lots of pictures of myself.  im going now.  but check back again soon for another update!! i have to talk about my surprise birthday party (i have the best friends!!) and post even more pictures about my NEW HAIRRR!!  HAHA ;D

okay GOOD LUCK ON FINALS EVERYONE!! ill be back soon~